


I Love You More

by nessauepa



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany), SKAM (TV) RPF
Genre: Boys Kissing, Cabin trip, Internal Conflict, Light Angst, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 09:59:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14186415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nessauepa/pseuds/nessauepa
Summary: Matteo wouldn't sleep if he wasn't warm enough. That Jonas had learned through years of sleepovers, years of covering him again and again over the night as he kept kicking all the covers out, even after Jonas doing the best work tucking it under him. Matteo always slept as someone being exorcised, Jonas couldn't understand that.He got out of the bed furtively while looking back at Hanna still asleep, gathering some blanket on a chair before doing his best to go downstairs soundlessly.





	I Love You More

**Author's Note:**

> Don't ship Jotteo, Don't ship Jotteo...
> 
> I'm probably going to regret it in season 3, but what can I do when Jonas sing love songs with that voice staring at Matteo, hu?

Jonas stole a glance at Hanna sleeping soundless by his side, a strand of red hair tangling and messing with her eyelids and realizing she was beautiful. She truly was. She was amazing, too. Smart and funny. So what was that with things inside him that wouldn't settle down?

Matteo would probably say he had always been squeamish, or some shit like that. Jonas smiled to himself as five different answers popped up in his brain, and just like that he was having a whole conversation with him in his head, just that it wasn't that inventive as the real thing.

Jonas checked the attic trap door, like almost expecting him to show up there. Instead just seeing it trembling as the wind hit the cabin, hissing loudly outside. Jonas pulled the blanket up in reflex.

Which cover had they left with him? Matteo wouldn't sleep if he wasn't warm enough. That Jonas had learned through years of sleepovers, years of covering him again and again over the night as he kept kicking all the covers out, even after Jonas doing the best work tucking it under him. Matteo always slept as someone being exorcised, Jonas couldn't understand that.

He got out of the bed furtively while looking back at Hanna still asleep, gathering some blanket on a chair before doing his best to go downstairs soundlessly.

He stepped the ground floor followed by a squeak, turning a lamp light on and smiling as Matteo startled, sitting on the couch in a single movement.

“I thought you were sleeping?” Matteo raised both palms facing upwards in question.

“And leave _my love_ here all by himself?” Jonas spoke, saying the word love in an affected way. They did that a lot.

“Oh, thank you, _my love_ ,” he mimicked and voilá, Matteo's smug smile, checked.

Jonas threw the cover at him without warning, chuckling when it hit him in the middle of his face.

“Cold?” Jonas asked.

“Now hurt!” Matteo replied, but he was smirking.

Jonas snorted audibly.

“Hot milk?” Jonas nodded to the kitchen.

“With cookies?” Matteo beamed throwing the covers away and joining him. Matteo was with extra sweaters, Jonas' heart clenched. He knew it.

“Of course, little one,” Jonas spoke softly, passing an arm over Matteo's shoulders. He ruffled Matteo's already messed hair, laughing when he shoved him away.

Jonas was still smiling to himself when he reached the stove.

"Pass me the match," Jonas leaned back, studying the stove controls.

"You know, when you invited me to the holidays I didn't realize we were going to spend it in DDR Museum," and when Jonas raised his eyes at him, an answer ready on the tip of his tongue, he was hit right above the eye by the matchbox.

"Fuck," Matteo shouted as Jonas winced in pain.

Matteo was right in front of him in no time.

"You were supposed to catch it!" Matteo grabbed Jonas’ forearms while analyzing the bruise already forming on Jonas' skin.

Jonas studied his face as Matteo touched his hurt skin with his index finger carefully before casually meeting his eyes. Concerning and regret were drowning in those round blue eyes, so close, it warmed his chest.

"You did it first," Matteo mumbled stubbornly.

Jonas snorted. Of course, this was his way of apologizing.

"Not with things that could blind you!" But the tone of Jonas' voice didn't sound accusatory at all.

Matteo slid his hands down before stepping away, and Jonas let go the air he didn't notice he was holding. He watched as Matteo bent down, catching the matchbox from the floor, then raising clumsily and snapping his head back to get rid of the bang falling over his eye.

"What the fuck was that?" Jonas grimaced amused.

"What?" Matteo froze in place.

"This, with the hair thing?" Jonas repeated pointing at his hair.

Matteo smirked.

"You liked it, _my love_?" Matteo repeated the same movement, this time slower and putting a show.

Jonas rolled his eyes but turned to the stove to hide the emotions flashing into his face. Feelings that he didn't allow to settle there, pushing them to the back of his head, as always.

But one second later Matteo was by his side, their shoulders touching as both looked to the old stove.

"You need a haircut," Jonas blurted out, not sparing him a look.

"Okay, mama," said Matteo, pushing Jonas’ hands away from the stove's control to deal with it himself. Of course.

"So?" Matteo raised his eyes, his lashes fluttering innocently.

"What?" Jonas spoke low, blinking a couple of times to focus his brain in reality again.

"You were supposed to feed me," Matteo lowered his head,  staring at him with puppy eyes and a wrinkled forehead and he wasn't even trying.

_God help me._

"You," Jonas snapped pushing him away. "Get out of my personal space," Jonas led a laughing Matteo to the little kitchen table ahead.

"You didn't say that last night, my love," Matteo chuckled. And okay, this joke was maybe going way too far. But when Jonas replied "It's the latin charm" and Matteo huffed out an enthusiastic laugh, well, he supposed they could keep going with it.

"You know I'm just fifty percent latin, right?"

"I didn't say you were one hundred percent charming," Jonas smiled with his back at him, while taking milk out of the fridge and picking a pan.

Matteo laughed again and for a while, the echoes of that sound were the only thing filling Jonas' head. He tried not to think about any of it, concentrating on the work in front of him.

"This is why you are replacing me with your new girlfriend?" Matteo asked, breaking the silence after a while.

"Hanna?" Jonas turned back at him confused.

"No, your drug dealer girlfriend," Matteo was staring at the table, playing with some pots there.

"Hey," Jonas called, smiling when Matteo immediately looked at him, he softened his voice. "What's your deal with him?"

Matteo shrugged. "I don't give a shit about this Escobar guy."

"Don't you think this is a bit xenophobic?" Jonas shot up his brows, resting his back on the sink as the milk started boiling audibly over the stove.

"What?" Matteo yelped, making Jonas chuckle immediately. "You call me Italian names all the time!"

"It's different," Jonas offered simply.

"How is it different?" Matteo shook his head.

"I don't know, Luigi..." Jonas' smile turned in a full laugh as Matteo opened his mouth but no sound came out.

"What about this milk, hu?" Matteo asked instead, petulantly.

"We need to wait for it to boil, Your Highness."

Matteo laughed, and of course, Jonas smiled automatically in reflex.

"Hey," Matteo called him happily. "Sing something meanwhile. Some Sam Smith song."

"Dude..." Jonas shook his head judgmentally.

"What?" Matteo snapped defensively.

"We’re going to wake up Hanna," said Jonas instead, lowering his eyes.

"Ah, yeah," Matteo's face fell. Jonas' ones just followed it. And this was it.

" _Oh, won't you stay with me,_ " Jonas sang low, bending down, crossing his arms over the table as Matteo cracked in a huge smile. Jonas' body warmed inside out.

" _'Cause you are all I need,_ " Jonas got trapped in blue, as Matteo mouthed the song staring at him.

Matteo stopped smiling, so did Jonas, and when the thoughts he was always trying so hard to push away treat to fill him, both startled and averted eyes as the milk started spilling over.

"Fuck," Jonas rushed to take the pan off the stove.

He pretended to ignore Matteo whispering "Stay with me", doing then what he did best when his heart started racing, he deflected.

"Michelangelo," Jonas called faking an italian accent. "Take this," Jonas threw him two non matching placemats, to which Matteo caught skilfully.

Jonas handed him a pack of cookies, then serving two mugs of hot milk, sitting in front of Matteo and handing him one of them. The smile Matteo threw him then, it was something that he tried to ignore, he really tried. But when Matteo unfolded the placemat carefully, then wrapping the mug with both hands, like protecting it, well, Jonas' heart twisted inside. He knew how stupid it was, but he understood the meaning of all of it to him, Matteo didn't get to have simple things like sitting on a table at his house.

Since Jonas had first realized it, Matteo and he would only have food at the table, with a complete set of plates, knife, fork, and napkins. They'd eat talking and teasing each other. And Matteo never said a thing, but Jonas knew it anyway, it made him happy. Jonas knew all the shades of Matteo's smiles by then.

It broke Jonas’ heart thinking about people turning his back to Matteo. His all family of all people. Since he first came out to him a couple years ago, these feelings of protecting him and shielding him from the world just grew inside him. He took as his mission since to take care of him.

And somehow, for reasons Jonas didn't know how to explain, he knew Matteo too well, he knew what made him feel warm and cared. And for reasons Jonas tried not to think about, taking care of him was important to him. Well, who he was trying to trick, it was one of the things he did most those days. He couldn't help, he couldn't stand when that round blue eyes were looking raw at him. Matteo was like his baby to take care of. Jonas shook his head trying to push the thought away, as always.

"Good, Leonardo?" Jonas asked smugly instead.

"All the Italian names you know are from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?" Matteo snorted.

"Sorry, Picasso," Jonas chuckled.

"Oh goodness, I'm ashamed for you now," Matteo grimaced.

"What?" Jonas laughed.

"Picasso is Spanish, you're idiot," he laughed and maybe Jonas should have felt more offended being called idiot, but he was just happy, he couldn't avoid laughing together with him.

Theirs laughs calmed down at the same pace Jonas' heartbeat speeded, as their smiles melted slowly on their faces. Matteo's eyes, man, they weren't fair.  

"I, I," Jonas stuttered. "I should go."

"No!" Matteo blurted out.

"What?" Jonas' eyes widened.

"Couldn't you," Matteo started looking at his own hands before raising his eyes again. "Stay with me? A little longer? I'm not sleepy."

They shared a look, and Jonas felt like trapped there. Impossible to move or look away.

"Are you?" Matteo insisted.

Jonas' head got dizzy, the softness of Matteo's voice entering through his ears and melting his brain.

"Hm?" Jonas mumbled just seeing blue.

"Sleepy," Matteo bent forward on the table.

"Hm..." Jonas started leaning closer in response. "Not really."

Jonas looked at their hands on the table, laying just a couple of inches away, and it'd be so easy, even if it was so damn difficult.

Matteo followed his eyes, and Jonas gave him a nervous smile before grabbing both their mugs and getting off the chair. He shook his head harshly as if to clean it. Things were becoming harder and harder like sometimes his body took the reins and he was left with no conscious power over his acts.

"Come here," Matteo called, sitting on the sofa and hugging both of his knees.

Jonas turned around, and Matteo was nodding gently to the space at his side, smiling that mischievous and angelic smile of his, with those lips curved up. And to know that they'd kiss another boy's lips, to know that Matteo would enjoy it, it made his stomach to knot.

Jonas walked towards him like being pulled by an invisible rope. When Matteo talked and looked so soft like that, so raw at these wee hours of the night, all those barriers Jonas' tried so hard to keep up started all to crumble down.

Jonas sat by his side with their shoulders touching. Matteo sighed fondly by his side, and he didn't know what to extract from it, but somehow this made him grow anxious. He didn't look, but he felt Matteo's eyes burning his skin.

Jonas gasped surprised as Matteo leaned in, resting his head on his shoulder without no warning. He looked down to that mess of hair over him and didn't know what to do. It wasn't like they had never done that, it was just that things felt different now.

"I don't know what I'd do without you," Matteo whispered in the lowest of the voices, in the rawest of the voices.

"Why?" Jonas whispered, finally wrapping one arm around him, just because, well, he couldn't help.

"You're the only one I have," Matteo replied. And Jonas' heart hurt.

"I'm not," said Jonas softly.

"It's okay, you're the only one I need."

Jonas' stomach gave a flip inside. He didn't answer, neither did Matteo. And they kept there, wordlessly, hearing only the sound of their breaths until Matteo spoke again.

"You love her?" he burst out like he was holding his breath.

Jonas intended to ask who, but he knew it. And inside he also knew why he was asking it. He knew it deep inside, even if he didn't let realization come to his mind. His whole body felt uneasy.

"Yes," Jonas' words left his mouth and Matteo immediately straight up again, leaving his shoulders. Jonas got to see the emotions crossing Matteo's face before he formed a sad smile. Jonas' heart clenched.

"You should go now," Matteo spoke not looking at him, and Jonas breathe hitched.

"Matteo..."

"It's okay, Jonas," said Matteo locking eyes with him again, and they were intense. "I'm just stupid."

Jonas grimaced confused.

"Sometimes I just see what I want to see, and sometimes this makes me happy, but mainly miserable," Matteo's eyes were filling with tears and Jonas' stared dazedly.

"Matteo..." Jonas' words were suffered, coming from that part of him he didn't allow to come to the surface.

"Just go," Matteo said, rubbing his eyes harshly, avoiding Jonas' lost expression.

"I'm just a whining bitch," Matteo chuckled, still covering his eyes with his hands.

"Hey," Jonas grabbed both his wrists to take them from Matteo's face, forcing him to look at him.

"What?" Matteo snapped.

"What do you want from me?" Jonas asked, breathing hard.

"I want you to go fucking sleep with your girlfriend," said Matteo between teeth, with ice blue eye freezing Jonas' soul.

"Matteo..." he started, leaning closer and resting their foreheads together powerless, still holding Matteo's wrists.

"Go," Matteo sobbed low, each sob a stab to Jonas' heart.

"Tell me what to do," Jonas' eyes started watering too.

"Go away," Matteo sobbed as they breathed each other, foreheads joined.

"I don't know what to do," Jonas first tears started rolling freely down. "Please, tell me what to do."

Matteo leaned back, looking at him with cold and sad eyes, struggling to free his wrists, but Jonas couldn't let him go. Not like that.

"Please," Jonas sobbed, and he didn't know what exactly he was asking for.

"Go!" Matteo snapped, maybe too loud, maybe too harsh, maybe too sad. But Jonas could read right through him, Matteo was just broken, just like him.

"Go!" Matteo yelled again. Loudly.

Jonas leaned in and pressed their lips together.

 _Fuck_.

He couldn't make himself to move. He touched their lips harshly together, mixing both their tears, in a salty and wet kiss. Jonas brought both hands to cup Matteo's cheeks, it wasn't gentle, it was desperate, he held him there, as if afraid he could push him away. But Matteo just puckered his lips in response and leaned closer, forcing him to bend down on the sofa.

Matteo straddled him, their mouths parting just enough to let go some frantic sounds and soft moans. And Jonas let him to throw his body over him and cup his cheeks too. Jonas let him to move his lips over him. Jonas let him to take everything he wanted, powerless.

They kissed like two lunatics, cupping each other faces harshly and pressing their mouths together until it almost hurt. They cried out in each other mouths and when Jonas though he couldn't handle anything more, Matteo shifted, leaning his whole weight over him, and he felt it them, how hard Matteo was, and he knew that Matteo could feel him too, there was no way to deny it anymore. There was no point in denying anything ever again.

Jonas ran his hands to wrap Matteo's waist, slowing down their kiss, because there was no point anymore, to deny anything to this boy. They moved their mouths together, this time gently, this time carefully, and when Matteo parted his lips over him, Jonas all but snapped his head back, opening his mouth and offering himself, weakly, breathing hard through his flared nostrils. He didn't open his eyes, just waiting.

Jonas gasped as Matteo joined their mouths again, this time possessively, this time deepening their kiss, carefully exploring Jonas' mouth with his tongue. Matteo tasted like warm milk, it gave Jonas shivers down his spine. The tip of their tongues touched unsurely, just measuring each other, once, then again, and again. Matteo was tentatively finding Jonas' limit. But when Jonas pulled him down with a hand on the back of his neck, they both let go, licking into each other slowly, swallowing the sweetest sounds coming from each other mouths.

Jonas lost track of time while kissing Matteo, but after what felt like a lifetime, they pulled apart, looking at each other like it was the first time. Matteo's face cracked into the biggest of the smiles. And Jonas had thought he knew all of his smiles, but he had never seen one quite like that. His mouth opened in a huge grin automatically. Jonas pulled him down again, because there was no point anymore on refraining any of that, when everything was finally out there.

That night they kissed and kissed, smiling into each other mouths when it wasn't possible to refrain those feelings inside them. Their mouths never parting. They kissed until exhaustion took the better of them, until sleep found them still with their lips connected.

.

Jonas opened his eyes tentatively, looking at the light invading the room through the windows. He looked nonchalantly ahead and his blood froze, Hanna was there. They lock eyes and her expression was intense. _Great_. He prepared himself for a day of bad mood and trying to make up for leaving her there by herself. He prepared himself for the yells that were certainly coming, but when nothing came he looked down and his breath hitched. There was a mess of unruly hair on his chest and long arms wrapping his waist.

Everything flashed through his mind, all the things that had happened last night, all the feelings, all the kissing. It wasn't a dream. _Fuck_.

Jonas snapped his head to Hanna again and her expression was lost, probably the same thing that was dancing in his own face. He tried to convey I'm sorry with his eyes, even if he didn't know exactly about what. But he didn't make any attempt to move. They looked at each other and Hanna's face fell as realization crossed her mind.

She averted his eyes, looking down. Jonas followed her picking up her backpack on the floor and moving towards the door. She stopped there, with the hand on the handle and threw a glance at him again over her shoulder. And Jonas wanted to speak up, he wanted to say something, he wanted to run over her or yell. Do something, anything. But he didn't do such things, he was frozen, still having Matteo's hands falling gently over his sides and the weight of his head pressing his chest. And Jonas wanted to want, to do something, but he didn't do anything.

Hanna snorted unamused.

“He loves you too,” she said before slamming the door.

And Jonas first reaction was snap his head down to check on him, who was still sleeping, through all of it. Of course. Jonas chuckled nervously. His girlfriend had just left him and his first reaction was to check if Matteo's sleep was being disturbed. He chuckled louder.

Matteo started moving, freezing Jonas on the place. But he just snuggled before retaking his rhythmic breathing. Jonas looked down, with his arms raised awkwardly halfway, not knowing what exactly do with them, when Matteo started mumbling unintelligible things on his sleeping.

Jonas smiled wide, until he was laughing, until he was chuckling and shaking Matteo, shutting him down. Jonas eyes watered because all of that was too much to deal all of a sudden. There were too many feelings treating to burst. And all of them culminated in a harsh kiss he pressed against his forehead.

He liked that boy so much. It was absurd how much he liked him actually. And that was the first time he allowed that thought inside him. Not that it wasn't always there, it was. Just that now he was embracing it, even if he didn't know what any of that meant.

He didn't want to deal with things just now. So he shut his eyes and let sleep find him, let dizziness to take his head, as he finally lowered his arms, wrapping them around Matteo tightly. Squeezing him against him and whispering over his asleep head _I love you more._

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to know your thoughts about it. What was your fav part?  
> <3


End file.
